Objects of Uncertain Origins

I travel the world searching for the most unique, unusual, and, occasionally, dangerous objects available, then offer them to you here in our humble shop. In order to do this successfully, I am obliged to deal with "contacts" who tend to be as unique as the items I display.
These contacts are often, shall we say, less than entirely reputable. Nobody would ever hire one of these "contacts" as a babysitter, for instance, or for any other job that might require basic human character traits, like dog walking.
I deal with these people so you don't have to. But I don't trust them all that much unlessI have them cornered inside a pentagram while my assistant recites the Aklo Formula, and my assistant is currently unavailable due to an accident in the lab; I've been unable to locate him or his body, although I'm still hopefull because I can occasionally hear disembodied weeping coming from a corner of the storeroom.
So what I'm getting at is this: I will absolutely, 100%, guarantee the physical description of all items I sell.
I DO NOT, however, guarantee the backstory. Nor do I guarantee the safety of anything I sell. Some of this stuff is crazy, and if you try to use it, you must be crazy too. I'm not responsible for your crazy.
These contacts are often, shall we say, less than entirely reputable. Nobody would ever hire one of these "contacts" as a babysitter, for instance, or for any other job that might require basic human character traits, like dog walking.
I deal with these people so you don't have to. But I don't trust them all that much unlessI have them cornered inside a pentagram while my assistant recites the Aklo Formula, and my assistant is currently unavailable due to an accident in the lab; I've been unable to locate him or his body, although I'm still hopefull because I can occasionally hear disembodied weeping coming from a corner of the storeroom.
So what I'm getting at is this: I will absolutely, 100%, guarantee the physical description of all items I sell.
I DO NOT, however, guarantee the backstory. Nor do I guarantee the safety of anything I sell. Some of this stuff is crazy, and if you try to use it, you must be crazy too. I'm not responsible for your crazy.